26. Happens Every Time | 31 Days

This is post 26/31 of Write 31 Days. See full list HERE.

Well, it happened. I was counting on seamlessly getting through all 31 days but I skipped 2 days. Agh.

And you know what? It felt sooooooooo good. Sort of. I mean, I felt bad skipping, knowing that I’d just broken my streak but it felt good to not write. To not have to come up with something.

It happens every time. Like when you’re on a workout streak and, for whatever reason, you break your rhythm. A day or two or three go by and even though you feel bad, you also feel sort of good. That stress is gone because the challenge has been abandoned. I always feel guilty and disappointed for allowing myself to get derailed but sleeping in an extra 30 minutes instead of working out feels so incredibly good!

Then there’s the struggle to get back on track. Two days of not posting made it hard to decide to write this morning. Sure I want to get back and finish the last week of this challenge. But I wouldn’t have minded turning over and going back to sleep for a few extra minutes either. I got kind of comfortable not writing in the morning. Happens every time. Get derailed and I’m arguing with myself about whether or not I should get back on track. Of course I should! But it’s hard and I’m tired and, hey, 24 out of 31 days isn’t bad, right? And plus there’s the thought that I’ve already failed. At the end, I will have known I skipped. I messed up and won’t have a perfect 31 days to look back on. The perfectionist in me cringes.

I feel rather ambivalent about skipping two days. Part of me is really disappointed. Part of me just wants to forgive and forget and keep moving forward. And still another part of me feels too tired to care. For me, that’s the thing about challenge: when I allow myself a taste of an easier choice, I have a hard time keeping up with the hard thing I’ve already chosen to do.

Five days left in thirty-one. I’m seriously running really low on steam and I don’t want to write anymore. Sometimes I wonder, what’s the point when I’ve completely gone off topic? And then I remember the simple truth that writers write. Writers write even when they’re drained and don’t feel like it. And this is something I promised myself I’d push through and get better at. Even though I won’t have a perfect 31 days to look back on, I won’t allow my inner perfectionist to win. I want everything to be right so much, sometimes I miss out on the experience altogether. Holding out for perfect keeps us from having something that’s real and vulnerable and complete. It’s hard to allow myself the grace to just keep moving forward and sticking with an imperfect situation. I’m too fond of scrapping and starting all over again.

Not this time. Five days left. I’ve got five days left.

#write31days

9. Drawing Boards | 31 Days

This is post 9/31 of Write 31 Days. See full list HERE.

Come hell or high water, I’m launching on the 13th. 

That’s what I told my dad the other day.

It’s on my wall calendar, my DayTimer, and my desk calendar. My podcast launch date, in magenta ink, reminding me that I can’t go back now.

Or can I?

I’m the kind of person who has a hard time following through with personal projects if I don’t give myself a date. On my calendar. In pen. If not, I talk myself out of it. I’m really good at talking myself out of my own personal projects and procrastinating on things that I find too difficult or I’ve lost interest in. I can justify why I shouldn’t do stuff for my own benefit until the cows come home. Shooting one’s self in one’s foot is a talent too many humans possess and I’m counted as one of them.

On the flip side, there are times when waiting for a better outcome is good. I’m all for not letting perfection preclude you from shipping a project or taking a leap but caution has it’s place too. Sometimes you’re just not ready yet. Sometimes you need extra time to consider other variables. Sometimes you learn something new!

I’m totally not going in the direction I’d set out in when I started Write 31 Days. Day by day, I’m redefining what The Student Life means to me. Because of that, I’ve taken my podcast plans back to the drawing board. I don’t know when I’ll be ready but when the time is right, I will set another date and try again.

Going back to the drawing board is a good thing. It means that you’re problem solving, you’re proactively finding a better way of doing something, you’re not giving up on what’s important to you. Drawing boards are essential for success cause your other two options could prove fatal: you could either give up cause your plans went bust or you could keep moving forward with a defective plan that’ll never see the results you desire. There are times when a plan B, C, D, or P is in order. Just because something didn’t work the first, second, third, or sixteenth time doesn’t mean it’s a bad idea, it just means you haven’t figured out how it works yet.

Go back to the drawing board.

Excuse me, please, while I get some white out.

#write31days